So you don't immediately notice the small print that follows: "for men, guys, juniors and kids."
I suppose that means the ladies don't get a look in. Or a leg in, rather, ho, ho, ho, ho, ah me. Which is . . . . Hang on! Go back a bit. No, before the "leg in" joke.* "For men, guys . . ."
When did the fashion industry start distinguishing between "men" and "guys"? And more to the point, which am I? I still wear Levi's jeans.** My size hasn't changed for 35 years, still a 31 waist (30 in Dockers, ahem), 32 leg. Well, left leg. So why could I suddenly be in a subgroup that may brand me a second-class citizen on the be-denimed hipness*** scale? I don't want to be a man. I want to be a guy!
Unless "guy" is that peculiar style of jeans that have their crotch floating at shin-level and expose enough butt-crack to inspire Spackle. I can get that effect if the phone rings when I'm on the toilet.****
I suppose this could lead me to develop some kind of Jeff Foxworthy-like material on the lines of "When you something something something, you're a man. But when you something something something else, you're a GUY!" (Pause for audience hilarity.) And the fact that I can't come up with anything makes me think that I'm probably not a guy. I've never said "wassup!" in my life.
Well, I clearly need to investigate. And if I don't qualify as a guy, at least I can take consolation that I haven't drifted into some new Levi's category called "coot." ("Sits at the nipple, ultra-wide belt-loops, extra roomy in the seat, just in case.")
But if I discover that men and guys are indeed two separate cuts of jean, one being cooler and trendier than the other, it does lead to another question: If you find yourself in a subset that is at least one step up the rickety ladder of contemporary fashion, why would you be buying jeans at Kohl's?
*That was a joke?
**Well, Lee's fit me better, less inclined to sag under the gluteal crease after a few washings, but . . .
***Yes, I know "hip" is an old-fashioned expression - I believe the term is "sick" these days - but I was going for the lower-body metaphor.
****Also called a "penguin," cf. Ally McBeal 1998.
**Well, Lee's fit me better, less inclined to sag under the gluteal crease after a few washings, but . . .
***Yes, I know "hip" is an old-fashioned expression - I believe the term is "sick" these days - but I was going for the lower-body metaphor.
****Also called a "penguin," cf. Ally McBeal 1998.
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