Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Brigadoon effect: Beechey on sport

I missed England's goal in the fourth minute, because I was trying to battle my way past Verizon's unnecessary robots in order to talk to a REAL Fios techie to find out why the ABC high-definition channel had an outstanding picture but no sound. (Hint for speeding things up: Scream "Shut up!" down the phone line every time the automated system prompts you for a verbal response.)

What worked in the end was the old solution -- unplug the set-top box for a minute. It fixed itself, to herald in an exasperating drone of vuvuzelas from the spectators. Couldn't hear a thing from the field or the atmosphere off the stadium. Maybe Verizon had the best idea in the first place? I say the hell with freedom -- ban these stupid noisemakers, the players hate them. What is this, a kid's birthday party?

I missed the USA's equalizer, because I was out delivering Secundus to a kid's birthday party. To play baseball. On this holiest day of the football calendar. (Yes, I said "football," not "soccer." Wanna make something of it? So, it's fisticuffs, eh?)

My take: Too much of the commentary focused on the amount of time it took for Wayne Rooney to get into the game. I remember exactly the same situation at the last World Cup, when we were lamenting that David Beckham had apparently donned the cloak of invisibility for most of the matches. At the international level, England should have a better strategy than trying to create chances for just one star player. Rooney isn't Pele.

(Am I the only one to think Beckham's hairstyle still makes him look like a tall cockatoo?)

On the other hand, a star goalkeeper wouldn't go amiss. Here's an idea for BP -- stuff Robert Green into the the leak. It wouldn't slow the oil, but it would make me feel better. I know even the best goalies make mistakes like Green's goal-scoring fumble, but it was the opening match of the quadrennial international tournament against the last remaining superpower, not bloody amateur hour.

Unless that new ball really is possessed.

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